For the past 3 days I've been considering finishing the trail early. I never thought it would come to this. I'm 1300 miles into the trail and am having a rough time keeping my spirits up. So, what's going through my head?
I have hiked switchback over switchback over drainage over drainage and have been having a blast for the most part.
Hiking 1300 miles is a ton! I've enjoyed it, but lately I'm not enjoying it. I'm not going to miserably put myself through another 1300 miles when I could be helping my dad on the farm, hanging out with my boyfriend, hanging out with my family, learning how to surf, and getting my license to work as a Hygienist (which I'm really excited to start). All the possibilities of everything else is going through my head.
It's a weird concept. I've been wanting to hike the PCT for Multiple Sclerosis since 2006 and now I am wanting to say that 1300 miles is enough (which is a ton). I haven't received a donation in at least a month, and my extended family has given most of the money donated. It's great that I have inspired people. I'm still going to be the same adventurous person and do wild things quite frequently. When it gets to a certain point, you just know it's time to move on.
This brick wall feels thicker than anything I've ever experienced. It's ironic because I know for a fact that my body can easily finish the trail.
A peice of me feels obligated to keep trekking. There have been some amazing people cheering me forward, and I love that! I hope no one is let down. It's been an amazing experience and I hope people have grown with it, as I have. No regrets here. I think I might go hitch to a surf town and learn how to surf like I've always wanted.
Don't give up. Push.
ReplyDeleteI would encourage you to give it another week. I wanted to give up when I was climbing Aconcagua for MS. I remember thinking, "Why should I keep being miserable when I could be with my husband for Christmas." But I didn't quit and I am so glad I didn't. They call Mountaineering, Type 2 fun, it's not fun while you are doing it, but fun to talk about after. There are so few opportunities in your life to do something of this magnitude. I encourage you to set a date, perhaps 1 week again, and turn back then if you still feel this way. But just know that everyone feels a wall, especially those with MS too. Wishing you a renewal of spirit and joy!
ReplyDeleteThere is a gal who did the AT solo who banged into the same wall. But her husband knew her better than she was feeling. His encouragement was to push and think of only the little accomplishments as she rolled onward. She became the fastest person to hike the AT. We have our goals, but we don't know everything. You're halfway, strong and very enthusiastic. Even though the donations seem less than expectation, you don't know what is around the bend. This is a big cause, and a tremendous step of will and love. You may look on your blog one day and see an amazing leap in donations, or an amazing leap may not come till you hit the Bridge of the gods. You don't know, but you know your commitment and your boosters. I hope you take some well deserved down time, not just a zero day or two, regroup and continue. You are very articulate, and write from the heart. You hike from your soul. Me too, wishing you a renewal of spirit and joy!
ReplyDeleteYou have done an amazing job! While I know you are able to finish it, do what is in your heart. Time with your dad is so important! Your project will still raise money, it just takes time. 1300 miles is a TON! you Rock!
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely!! you really do rock..
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